Over the past several weeks, we’ve explored psychologist Dr. Craig Kain’s research on magnetic people and the nine habits they practice: listening with genuine interest, making eye contact, remembering details & asking follow-up questions, staying comfortable in their own skin, balancing confidence with humility, putting others first, sharing passion, smiling easily, and continuing to grow.
These habits reflect three deeper qualities: presence, humility, and joy.
We’ve argued that those habits are fruits described by psychology, not techniques to master. Jesus, however, taught the root.
Jesus never taught His followers to become more likable, influential, or charismatic. He gave them something more fundamental: “Love God with all your heart” and “love your neighbor as yourself.” (Mark 12:30-31) Everything in this series flows from that.
Yet even loving God and our neighbor can become another performance target. The root goes deeper. It begins with God’s love for us.
“For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son.” (John 3:16)
God loved us first. Before we became better leaders, more present colleagues, or more humble people, His love was offered freely. When that love takes root, it changes how we see ourselves and others. We no longer need to prove our worth because we know we are deeply loved and valued by God. From that security, love overflows.
So what does that look like at work?
It looks like presence. People are no longer interruptions, problems to solve, or opportunities to advance our agenda. They are people worth paying attention to. We listen and remember details because we care. We put the phone away because the person in front of us matters.
It looks like humility. We no longer need every conversation, accomplishment, or decision to establish our worth. We can admit when we’re wrong, share credit, ask for help, welcome disagreement, and let someone else shine.
It looks like joy. Our emotional state is not completely dependent on the quarter, the deal, or the team’s target. Abiding in Christ gives us joy that circumstances cannot easily control. And that changes a workplace’s atmosphere.
But love at work doesn’t mean liking everyone or avoiding difficult conversations. Sometimes it means telling someone the truth because you care more about their growth than their comfort. It may mean giving a stretch opportunity, standing up for someone who is being blamed unfairly, or letting someone go when keeping them would hurt the team.
Love also changes how we make decisions. We still care about performance, customers, and profitability. But we stop treating people as merely resources for producing outcomes. We ask not only, “What will produce the best result?” but also, “What is the right thing to do for the people entrusted to me?”
When influence is the goal, we calculate the cost. Is listening worth the time? Will humility make me look weak? We may perform the right behaviors, but people can sense when they are being used to achieve an outcome.
When love is the goal, we can do what is right even without applause, strategic benefit, or a guarantee that people will follow.
Magnetism was never the goal. Love was. And when love becomes the root, leadership changes, and influence takes care of itself.
p.s. If this series has made you think differently about the kind of leader you want to become, that’s the kind of conversation we have in Kingdom Factor Cohorts (KFCs).
KFC brings together Christian CEOs, founders, and executives who want to grow as leaders, integrate their faith into their work, and learn from others walking a similar path.
If that sounds like something you’d value, you can learn more about KFC here.