Over the past several weeks, we’ve explored psychologist Dr. Craig Kain’s research on magnetic people and the nine habits they practice: listening with genuine interest, making eye contact, remembering details & asking follow-up questions, staying comfortable in their own skin, balancing confidence with humility, putting others first, sharing passion, smiling easily, and continuing to grow.
These habits reflect three deeper qualities: presence, humility, and joy.
We’ve argued that those habits are fruits described by psychology, not techniques to master. Jesus, however, taught the root.
Jesus never taught His followers to become more likable, influential, or charismatic. He gave them something more fundamental: “Love God with all your heart” and “love your neighbor as yourself.” (Mark 12:30-31) Everything in this series flows from that.
Yet even loving God and our neighbor can become another performance target. The root goes deeper. It begins with God’s love for us.
“For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son.” (John 3:16)
God loved us first. Before we became better leaders, more present colleagues, or more humble people, His love was offered freely. When that love takes root, it changes how we see ourselves and others. We no longer need to prove our worth because we know we are deeply loved and valued by God. From that security, love overflows.
So what does that look like at work?
It looks like presence. People are no longer interruptions, problems to solve, or opportunities to advance our agenda. They are people worth paying attention to. We listen and remember details because we care. We put the phone away because the person in front of us matters.
It looks like humility. We no longer need every conversation, accomplishment, or decision to establish our worth. We can admit when we’re wrong, share credit, ask for help, welcome disagreement, and let someone else shine.
It looks like joy. Our emotional state is not completely dependent on the quarter, the deal, or the team’s target. Abiding in Christ gives us joy that circumstances cannot easily control. And that changes a workplace’s atmosphere.
But love at work doesn’t mean liking everyone or avoiding difficult conversations. Sometimes it means telling someone the truth because you care more about their growth than their comfort. It may mean giving a stretch opportunity, standing up for someone who is being blamed unfairly, or letting someone go when keeping them would hurt the team.
Love also changes how we make decisions. We still care about performance, customers, and profitability. But we stop treating people as merely resources for producing outcomes. We ask not only, “What will produce the best result?” but also, “What is the right thing to do for the people entrusted to me?”
When influence is the goal, we calculate the cost. Is listening worth the time? Will humility make me look weak? We may perform the right behaviors, but people can sense when they are being used to achieve an outcome.
When love is the goal, we can do what is right even without applause, strategic benefit, or a guarantee that people will follow.
Magnetism was never the goal. Love was. And when love becomes the root, leadership changes, and influence takes care of itself.
p.s. If this series has made you think differently about the kind of leader you want to become, that’s the kind of conversation we have in Kingdom Factor Cohorts (KFCs).
KFC brings together Christian CEOs, founders, and executives who want to grow as leaders, integrate their faith into their work, and learn from others walking a similar path.
If that sounds like something you’d value, you can learn more about KFC here.
This really stood out “But love at work doesn’t mean liking everyone or avoiding difficult conversations. Sometimes it means telling someone the truth because you care more about their growth than their comfort. It may mean giving a stretch opportunity, standing up for someone who is being blamed unfairly, or letting someone go when keeping them would hurt the team.”
Thank you, Trevor! 👏 I think that’s one of the harder parts of leading with love. It’s easy to confuse love with being nice, but sometimes caring about someone means having the courage to tell them what they need to hear, even when it’s uncomfortable. Because love without honesty just becomes people-pleasing, and honesty without love becomes harshness.
I’m curious about your experience with this. Has there been a moment when someone showed you that kind of love at work, by telling you a hard truth or making a hard call, and it ended up being exactly what you needed? Or have you had a moment as a leader where doing what was right for someone required a difficult conversation or a hard call?
Crikey Min-Wai so many situations of either type. I learned how important feedback was early on in my career when my feedback was not received until annual appraisal time. I was flummoxed what took this information stream such a long time to filter back to me. I felt frustrated that so much time had been wasted before I had been told. For example at a development centre where I over compensated in wanting to be seen as dynamic, the observer suggested to me I needed to consider my impact upon others. It was the first chink of feedback which I was to later call self awareness. Of course my Christian upbringing was a good basis for my wiring (my beliefs) in my loving others as Jesus taught us. As for the difficult conversations with my teams on an every day basis I liked to have little a little walk with my team members as soon as I could after a significant disruption. As a team leader I’ve always tried to develop my teams in a way that they are self determined with some degree of success. Even in my last assignment as Team leader as Fujitsu Test manager on the Post Office account which as you know was extremely difficult for me, one of my team members said to me amongst other feedback “Don’t stop doing what you are doing”.
Love this great article. 👏👏👏