You have probably heard the advice: build your personal brand, grow your platform, expand your influence, and stay visible. None of that is inherently wrong. Visibility matters. So does how we communicate and show up.
The danger begins when influence stops being a byproduct and becomes the goal.
So far in this series, we’ve explored Dr. Craig Kain’s research on magnetic people and the nine habits they consistently practice: listen with genuine interest, make eye contact, remember details and ask follow-up questions, stay comfortable in their own skin, balance confidence with humility, put others first, share passion, smile easily, and keep growing.
We’ve argued that these aren’t techniques to master. They’re fruits. And while psychology describes the fruits, Jesus taught the root.
Dr. Kain also warned that magnetic people and narcissists can look alike from the outside. Both can be confident, persuasive, engaging, and charismatic. What sets them apart is the heart. Magnetic people focus on others. Narcissists focus on themselves.
Jesus warned about this long before psychology existed. He called religious leaders who looked righteous on the outside but were corrupt within “whitewashed tombs” (Matthew 23:27). His criticism wasn’t their behavior. It was the heart behind it.
That warning applies to every leader who wants to influence others.
You see, all nine habits can be learned. But even good habits can become tools and performance when our motive changes. That is where well-intentioned leaders can quietly drift.
We may begin with a sincere desire to serve people. But over time, the focus can shift from caring for people to building our own influence. We start asking what it will cost us.
- Should I stay and listen, or get to my next meeting?
- Should I share the credit, or make sure people know it was my idea?
- Should I admit I was wrong, or protect my credibility?
When influence becomes the goal, we start using people to get there. Presence turns into a networking tool. Humility becomes a humble brag. Listening turns into a tactic. Kindness becomes a strategy.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to be a leader people follow. But following is meant to be the result of loving people well, not the reason we engage them. When we use people to build influence, relationships become transactional. People become opportunities, audiences, or metrics.
People may not be able to name what feels off, but they can sense the difference between genuine care and performed interest. Over time, trust erodes.
Jesus never made influence His goal. He never managed His image or adjusted His message to maximize His following. In fact, when many disciples walked away after one of His hardest teachings, He let them go (John 6:66). He would rather lose a crowd than manipulate one.
What Jesus never stopped doing was loving people. Everything else flowed from there.
As you think about your leadership this week, ask yourself: am I pursuing influence, or am I pursuing people?
We cannot simultaneously love people and use them.
Next time, we’ll explore why Jesus never asked anyone to become more magnetic, yet became the most magnetic person in history.
p.s. It’s surprisingly hard to see our own motives clearly. That’s one reason I lead Kingdom Factor Cohorts. We help one another pursue Christ first, trusting that influence follows as a byproduct rather than making it the goal. If you’re a Christian CEO, executive, or entrepreneur who wants a trusted space to explore this kind of leadership, I’d love for you to join us. Learn more here.
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